I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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