Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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