Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
