I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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