The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
