me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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