apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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