my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize