You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
