Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize