Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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