I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize