Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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