I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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