They should really pass out barf bags in church
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
