her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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