Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
