I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my shit smells like andre
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
