my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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