so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
