imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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