Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
