New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
vagina is talking i cant
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
