I think my fart just growled at me.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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