you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
