You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
