i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
