I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
