just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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