My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
