He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
