Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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