Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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