Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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