i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
