Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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