It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
