maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
