You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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