I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
