I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
