My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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