I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just gift wrapped bread.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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