I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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