I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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