My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
