Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize