this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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