This is not my ceiling
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
