just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize