Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
