I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
