Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
