I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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