nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
