are you still at the devil's house?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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