margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
