Swine flu. Run for my life!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Randomize
