it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
