We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
