Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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