he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
