I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
