when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
