I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
