I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
