I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
