So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
