last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
