ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
