I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
