There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
