Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
