i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
